I said in the last post that I didn’t have a tidy ending. I still don’t, not entirely. But I’m far enough out of that dark stretch now to look back and actually see the path I took, even if I didn’t see it clearly while I was walking it.
I want to be upfront about something before I get into what helped me: this is my story, not a formula. Depression shows up differently for different people, for different reasons, at different depths. What worked for me isn’t a prescription, it’s just an honest account. If what you’re carrying is heavier than what I went through, please don’t read this as “just do these things and you’ll be fine.” Sometimes the right next step is a conversation with a professional, not a blog post. That’s not a failure. It’s just wisdom, same as everything else I’ve been learning lately.
With that said, here’s what actually helped me.
I took a break, on purpose
Not a collapse — a break. I stepped back, focused on sleep first, because I’d been running on empty for so long I’d forgotten what a full night even felt like. I cleared the backlog of smaller deadlines that were still hanging over me, one at a time, so my mind had fewer open loops pulling at it.
P.S. Resting resolved a shoulder pain I had developed over the past few months, probably due to stress and insufficient rest. Mental stress ignored resulted in real physical pain that I’m relieved to see go away.
I let myself have hobbies again
Somewhere in the grind, I’d quietly stopped doing anything that wasn’t productive. So I let myself indulge a little. Nothing dramatic — just things I actually enjoyed, without needing them to lead anywhere.
I started reading fiction, building model kits, and even went for movies. It felt like catching up with an old friend.
I visited people who reminded me what actually matters
During a weekend trip overseas, I spent time at a social enterprise that supports people with disabilities. I didn’t go looking for a lesson. I just went. But being around people facing real, daily constraints I don’t have quietly retaught me something about gratitude I’d stopped practicing.
It’s hard to stay lost in “am I too old for this” when you’re sitting across from someone handling a much harder hand with more grace than you’ve been managing lately.
I questioned everything I'd been assuming
Not in a dramatic, burn-it-all-down way. More like actually asking, for the first time in a while, whether the things I was forcing needed to be forced at all.
In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestling God all night by the river, refusing to let go even after his hip gives out under the strain. I think that’s what was actually happening with that deadline than I want to admit. It wasn’t really about the client, or the code, or even the AI I kept refusing. I was wrestling God on the question of whether I get to keep being the guy who does it the hard way.
I became a student again, and questioned everything
I read. I bought a new notebook and used it to empty my head most mornings, one page at a time. I wrote down what I learnt, and I wrote down what questions I had.
I also emptied my head of backlogged projects and ideas I’ve allowed to brew for too long. I revived some projects I had, and pruned some that never could go anywhere. I completed some overdue tasks I’d forgotten, and thought about ways to organise stuff.
I cleaned the house
Recalling projects I’ve procrastinated, I reorganised physical folders and discovered dust and decay has moved in. It did not take long for me to clean up the shelving area, so I went on to the entire room There’s something about restoring order to a physical space that mirrors something in your head.
Cleaning made me break a sweat, and it felt like actual calisthenics.
My family
Giving myself permission to take a break, I spent more time with the family, watching movies, having great meals, and doing chores together again. I spent more time supervising my son’s homework, struggling to answer his primary maths questions that may stumble even a maths professor trainined in the traditional methods.
Where I am now
I’m not going to claim I’m fully “recovered,” like it’s a status I’ve unlocked for good. I think this is more like a season that eased, not a problem that got solved. But I’m here, writing about it, building again, sleeping again and that’s genuinely more than I could say a few months ago.
If you’ve come through something like this – what actually carried you, and did it look anything like a plan, or more like this: a handful of small, unglamorous things done imperfectly?
